Albert's adventures with solids handling

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Albert Ramsbottom - The Bulkaholic

Yo'll remember t' Zoo up at Blackpool,
Albert Ramsbottom went there one year.
Wi' his stick, wi' its 'orses 'ead 'andle,
He give a lion a poke in the ear.

The name of the lion was Wallace.
n' the poke in the ear made him wild.
Before you could say 'Bobs your uncle',
He'd up, and swallowed the child.

'E wer sorry the minute he'd done it,
wi' children he'd always been chums
and beside, he'd no teeth in his noddle
a' e' couldn't chew Albert on t'gums.

So wi' 'is 'ead stuck into a corner,
On 'is front legs 'e started to walk,
n' 'e coughed and 'e sneezed and 'e gargled'
Till Albert popped out, like a cork.

When Albert grew up into manhood.
As a stout upright lad, 'e looked fine.
So 'e settled for gainful employment
In the coalfields, to werk in a mine.

With 'is stick, n' its 'orses 'ead 'andle,
n' 'is overalls, tools and 'ard 'at,
He'd maintain the conveyors and feeders'
And all t'other gearstuff like that.

There were one gut big 'opper, near't screenhouse
That were full o' run o' mine coal,
But when t'gates a' bottom we'r opened
There we'r nowt that came out of the hole.

Now the foreman sized up t' situation,
And to nearby Albert he spoke,
"Take yer stick wi' its 'orses 'ead 'andle,
and give that big rathole a poke".

Albert poked, n' 'e prodded, n' proddled,
at the surface arched over in 't bin.
Then a mountain of coal came out of the hole
And buried poor Albert in't cave-in.

'is workmate saw the occurrence
But did'nt know what to do next,
So he shouted "The coals buried Albert"
And the foreman said "Well, I am vexed".

He surveyed the big pile of debris,
And said "It's a nasty mishap".
"But are you quite sure that e's buried?"
His mate said, "I'm sure, 'er's 'is 'at".



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